That is what we are mostly. I have caught myself straying from well-thought (in my opinion at least) premeditated courses in my life, enough times so far. I can say with adequate certainty that it may happen to everyone. And it does. I have noticed…
If you are wondering, I do not think that is a bad thing. I am only saying that in certain circumstances it may lead to big trouble. Losing important things in life and messing up important relationships. And all this for no reason that you would consider adequate if you could really see it from a less subjective and loaded point of view at the time. This is always a pity. We unknowingly give away something we value, for nothing. Due to a game of the mind! The thing is that we cannot see at the time that it is just a game of the mind. It feels real and sincere! And the word “feels” is really important in the previous sentence. This process works subtly, in a level that our objective perception misses to notice.
There are many examples. Just think about it. How many times have you found yourself to be a lousy friend, husband/wife or co-worker, while thinking you have been just great in every single role? I would suspect that if you do not remember any such case you either have not yet thought about it or you are fooling… yourself primarily.
Perception is a tricky bitch! Humans are always learning and changing through experience in life. However, the change is not always conscious. It may be happening while one is occupied with building a career or a family. Occasionally these two important life-goals clash violently, while we firmly believe we do all we can to keep both of them. Such clashes between family and professional life usually arise slowly. People do not notice that they cross lines they themselves had drawn. Why does this happen?
Contemporary research on cognitive biases may be able to shed some light on the “dark” processes taking place in the human mind. Just taking a glance at the linked wikipedia article you will be stricken by the multitude of different ways we fool ourselves! I have recently read parts of D. McRaney’s book entitled: “You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself”. I would really recommend this book to everyone. It will prove to you that you really should not trust yourself to much! In my opinion biases are capable of affecting human relationships fundamentally. This is why they may have observable effects in the world around us. This effect is usually detrimental because biases push people to act irrationally.
What is the solution to this problem? I am not sure. I suffer from this too. But I can just try to write down what I think. It could be very simple… Just do not take yourself too seriously! Check on what happens in your head every now and then. Look for the contradictions which you are supposedly trying to prevent in your life. Listen to others every now and then. They may be noticing something you are not about yourself. Hopefully this will make you a more easy going person for those around you. This is always a good think!